And we're ready to roll...

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I've finally had it out with my scanner... a battle long fought and evidently victorious, and I can begin the process of posting images that I have been working on. I can only say that I had not intended for it to take this long, but God in His infinite wisdom has not only provided me with work, but advanced my position already to another department which will provide me the ability to support my Mom, whom I love with all my heart, and this first posting is dedicated to her because in all that this past winter has been (trials and tribulations alike), she never faltered to believe in me, my abilities, but mostly to communicate God's undisputed divine providence in our lives and His ability to make all things work to the good of those who love Him, and are called according to His purposes.

When I was 18, my Dad went home to be with the Lord after an agonizing battle with lymph node cancer, and as the eldest son, it is my honor to provide and support my Mom in his stead. The concept that God made me half of a set of twins for this undisputed purpose astounds me. Even as my twin has been married for a good many years now, and is expecting his first child near the end of the summer, I have never doubted God's calling in my life; and while I've found it to be a roller coaster of my ability to follow His leading, God has always given me complete peace about my purpose, and His Grace has been sufficient for the times where I doubted myself.

This first posting is of Mom and our beloved Tobi, who went home to be with the Lord at the beginning of this month. When we lived in Beach Park, IL., she had let Tobi outside to get his ball before the thunderstorm arrived. Tobi was always scared by the louder claps of thunder, and often times his ball was a source of comfort while this Golden Retriever / Collie mix thought he was a lap dog. She got all her rain gear on and went out to help him find his ball. As I sat upstairs and watched, she found his ball and once he got it, she chased him around and around as he led her, which was his normal method of playing. Eventually the two of them ended up sitting on the patio as she hugged her sopping wet friend who reminded her of why God gave us rain... to play in.

Ugh... It's been a long road...

For those of you who don't know, I am currently working at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, in the Landscaping Department. Now while this doesn't sound all glorious, I will tell you that it is. I spend all day outdoors, for the most part, and it's incredibly hard work...that is it's manual labor. For you to truly appreciate this, you should know that most of my working career has been centered around office work, being in a cubicle and doing technical telephone support. So what does that mean? It means that this pasty white collar office boy has a tan, and is losing weight. Is that a good thing? You bet. But it comes with a price. Most days I come home, grab some grub, hit the tub and off to bed I go. I was hired in during overtime, which meant 6 day weeks, 10 hour days. Basically my body is in shock. Going from unemployed for 6 months, basically sitting on my rear end, to being on my feet for 10 hours straight... yeah, my doggies are barkin something fierce. I'm not near as sore as I was the first week of work, but my feet continue to be sore.

On another note, the crew that we have this year is absolutely incredible. I've always been a people idiot, and the people that I work with lead rich and interesting lives outside of their Six Flags work. We have hard workers and people who are willing to do the job to get it done. The last time I worked at 6 Flags, our crew was, well, less than productive. Most of them would wander off and be gone for hours at a time, and while we have a couple people who do that this year, it's not nearly as bad as it was. I enjoy working with them and find that when I am not there, I am thinking about them and what they are doing.

So I've been sick yesterday and today. One of the benefits of working outside is that you have the opportunity to work in the rain. With my body trying to compensate for the physical endurance it had to go through, it's no suprise to me that my defenses were down. I'm going in tomorrow, come hell or high water. If I don't, I'll need a doctors note to go back and I don't have that kind of money. I think I've gotten enough rest to get my system back on line, I just hope it's enough.

Kuragari

Woe unto them...

First, allow me to apologize for the 2 month gap in this blog. I wouldn't insult your intelligence to say that I've been so busy that I could not maintain it, quite to the contrary, I just haven't. In an effort to correct that inaccuracy, I am making a post. ^_^

Secondly, I've had some questions about my name. Kuragari is the Japanese word for Darkness. The reason that I chose this metaphor is two fold actually. The original reason being that each of us has a dark side, whether we wish to acknowledge it or not, and I don't ever want to be afraid to let that side show. Humans are born this way and it is not something to be ashamed of, HOWEVER, it is something that we need to be aware of, and keep control of. The dual reason for the metaphor is a little more complicated than all that. Since many years ago I have been aware of... well. What's the best way to say this without coming off as some psycho new-age atmospherium smoking weirdo? Well, I shall just put this forward and you can decide for yourself. Darkness is a clown. A very wicked, evil clown that has hunted me most of my life. I dared to draw him once many years ago and captured the essence of what he was at that time. Since then, he's changed, matured, metamorphed into something so much darker. Even as a child I never liked clowns, and Darkness gave me every reason to be steadfast to that prejudice into adulthood. There are times when I can sense he is near, moreso than other times... unfortunately I've come to the realization that he is always around... waiting. I can't claim that I have a sixth sense, though I do believe that God in His infinite wisdom has given man the ability to use more than 10% of our brains, and I am not so closed minded to believe that man is so intelligent as to have discovered everything the human mind can do. That being said, I also have cause to understand the primary indications of such things. Have you ever stood in the shower and KNOWN without a doubt that there was someone on the otherside looking right at you through the shower curtain? I started becoming aware of this presence... at first I thought that they were just fanciful imaginations of an already overly imaginitve mind, however, one morning that changed. (Story time with Kuragari... o_O )

Once upon a time... I lived in a house in Beach Park, Illinois. I was 28 at the time, a young man living in a two floor house on Greenbay Road that a friend was renting to me. Upon waking, I had dressed and read my devotional for the morning and headed downstairs. It was a beautiful sunny day and the birds were chirping vehemently. The house had two bathrooms, one upstairs which consisted of a toilet and a sink (and about a foot between them) and a downstairs full bathroom. The upstairs bathroom was primarily used for mid-night relief as the 3 bedrooms were the only other rooms on that floor. Everything else was conducted in the lower floor. (Anyway, I digress...) My two roomates at the time had jobs that started at some indecent hour in the morning, while mine afforded me the luxury of sleeping in, so I was home alone at the time. As I decended the staircase I felt it. It wasn't subtle like times when you 'think' you're being followed or that someone is watching you, it was abrupt and definitive. I was aware I was being observed. So much so that I looked around to find out which roomate had overslept or skipped work. I saw no one. I dismissed it as a random oddity and while I couldn't get over the awareness that I had about it, I had not seen anyone. I made my way to the bathroom quietly contemplating why I would feel like I was on display as I've never been the paranoid type and I certainly didn't care when people looked at, or watched me. But this was different. I brushed my hair and started brushing my teeth when I was OVERWHELMED with the awareness that I was being observed. At VERY close proximity. It was unnerving as suddenly every molecule in my body knew. Without hesitation I looked right down it. Sitting in the threshold of one of the two bathroom doors and it reacted to being seen. It was not physical, I did not see it with my physical eyes, but it was as if my awareness of it, allowed me the ability to see it. I saw clearer and just as real as everything else in the room. Now, I know this sounds like a fantastical account of an off day, which I would be entirely happy to agree with you, however, it reacted. It had been suprised that I saw it. I won't go so far as to speculate what it was or to insult your intelligence as to declare what I saw... all I know is that I saw it. It doesn't matter if anyone believes me, or what they think of it, or me. Demon? Ghost? Visitor from another plane or dimension? I don't presume to know. Ever since that moment I have been aware of many things that are there that I just can't see in the physical plane.

It's haunting really... to know that the darkness is not always empty.

Do not be afraid of the dark, be afraid of what's IN the dark.

Kuragari