PRAISE GOD FOR MORNING DEVOTIONS

This morning my family and I got up early and did our morning devotions over coffee! Oh it was a tremendous boost to my spirit, and it got the day off to the right start. It's amazing that getting up half an hour before you normally do, and spending that time in God's Word can make such a difference, but it does! I feel like I'm on top of my day, I have a song in my heart and I am eager to see what this day will bring. We had a time of fellowship and prayer and though we had 5 minutes to get ready and get out the door, they made it to work with 10 minutes to spare...THAT IS MY GOD! "Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven, and His Righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." It's like my Dad used to preach. I thank God for my Dad. As faulted as he was, in all things that mattered he was a great man. Glory to God.

PASS, RELEASE AND VIEWING

I passed my clerical test for employment, and when the store manager calls me with my final interview with the district manager, my employment will be finalized. The test was a lot harder than I anticipated, and being that it was timed, I found myself well out of practice taking tests. I barely made it, it required a 70% in order to pass, and I had exactly 70% by the grace of God. I had a lot of questions that I didn't get to because of the time constraint, but I excelled at the spelling, grammar and problem solving, so it balanced out my lack of speed on my math questions. Praise God Almighty for the light at the end of the unemployment tunnel.

IRON MAN 2 is released today. Despite my normal aversion to sequels, I am eager to see this release simply because the way they did the first one with the suit and the flight/fight scenes, leads me to believe that this release will definetly be worth seeing.

I viewed DONNIE DARKO this weekend. Now let me preface this entry with a few points. First, the statements on the back of this movie do NOT do it justice, as it makes it sound like just another twisted movie. Secondly, as noted in my previous post, I have not been a Jake Gyllenhaal fan, so I would not have seen this just based on his casting in it. Third, the title alone make it sound like a dark movie, and with the cover art that it has, you are led to believe exactly this. Now that I've made those points, I would like to say I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this movie. When you first watch this movie, you are so confused and struggle just to make sense of what you are watching, that you find yourself getting frustrated with it. I viewed the Directors Cut which has an extra 20 minutes of footage and is apparently much easier to understand than it's counterpart, the theatrical release. I can't even imagine watching the theatrical version, as when the directors cut was through, I sat there in a state of WTF?!?! and something that resembled pain. My mind was literally hurting from trying to figure out this film and it's characters, plot, and over all meaning. I WAS ENTHRALLED! It was like a puzzle that I had managed to get the edge pieces set up for and my mind was racing with all the data that I observed in the movie that I was not consciously processing while viewing it. I have not been so mentally stimulated by a movie in all my days. I was fascinated with the concept of the film, as each element had been carefully placed and played out as to not give away the ending, and much like a suspense/mystery movie, each character had a purpose, each scene played a vital part to the plot. While I sat there in a stupefied silence trying to ascertain what I had just spent 2 hours and 20 minutes watching, I was excitedly realizing that I had every intention of watching it again...IMMEDIATELY. Watching it a second time cleared up a lot of the confusion, but I am excited to say that I still do not have a full understanding of the film, and that THRILLS me! Most of the stuff that comes out of Hollywood is for the most part just mental candy that you view, and then move on from. FOR 2 DAYS my mind has been chewing on this movie and every person that I talk to about it I find that I become more intrigued by it. I will warn you, you will be frustrated, confused and even ready to shut it off, but do yourself a favor...DON'T! Watch it through to the end, and give yourself a moment to process what you just watched, and see if your mind isn't reeling from it. Seeing Donnie Darko reminded me of how I felt when I walked out of the theater after seeing Matrix. It was like the world had been turned upside down. I stood outside the theater with a good friend of mine who suggested seeing it, and for an hour we just imagined what the implications of the film were.

INTERVIEW SET, MATCH....POINT

I now have an interview appointment with the manager at Family Video here in town, on Friday 24th at 1pm. I remain hopeful that this will bring an end to this desert of unemployment. I feel that this employment would offer a good match for me because of my customer service abilities, as well as my love for movies. Once my employment there is settled, God willing, I will begin exploration of continuing my education here at the local college. This is exciting for me because I've wanted to continue my education for some time now, and having a full time job to support my career goal of being a professional illustrator seems like a good match.

On the Lil'Man front...his new thing is pointing. He points to various (and often every) object in a room until you tell him what it is. Sometimes this pointing relates to something he wishes to handle, or something he wants (like his blankie or bottle). This continues to be a great source of entertainment for us because he becomes excited with pointing at things, like it's his own personal game of finding something to point to. He has entered his entertaining stage of his development, and often does things simply to observe our reactions to his behavior. He is also testing his boundaries with his mom & dad. He will get excited and begin hitting your face, at which point we have to tell him 'no'. It's heartbreaking watching his reaction to this, because I'm sure he doesn't fully comprehend what it is that we are so stern about, and with a look of confusion or hurt he will often resume hitting you in the face. 

CRAZY WEEKEND

I haven't posted for the past two days because of our birthday party and a couple other reasons that I will go into later on in this post.

Birthday: Had a wonderful time. Thom, Kathy, Lil'Man and Matthew came out to our house. Mom made home made pizza that was extraordinary, and we watched "Prince of Persia: Sands of Time". Now I'm not a big Jake Gyllenhaal fan, I thought he was pretty good in the movie "Day After Tomorrow" and I've never seen Brokeback Mountain. I was seriously disappointed in one major part of this movie, and that is that they have a Caucasian playing the role of a Persian. His acting was fine, I just couldn't get past the fact that they made this, what is to me, MAJOR whooopsie... Thom says that it was because he looked like the character in the game, but I have to disagree. Now I've not played the game, but from the pictures I Googled, I find someone with exotic features who is obviously not Caucasian. So I dunno, I might be over reacting, but I guess I'm just fed up with Hollywood doing whatever they want with whatever they want without regard. The movie has some incredible special effects, which are at times confusing when they are happening, but are explained later on. Then, following the movie, we had strawberry birthday cake, which was awesome. Unfortunately we did give Nathan some, and he had no interest in going to sleep despite the lateness of the hour. He was very cute eating the icing though.  Matthew went home late Saturday evening, Thom and Kathy stayed the night.

Sunday we watched "Where the Wild Things Are" with Nathan. I really enjoyed the movie, though I don't remember the story from my childhood. The movie was very strange, but I found that I enjoyed it when everyone else thought it was bad. I don't know why I liked it so much, as I've always liked the monsters in the book, I thought they were really well done in the movie. Carol, the most popular of the monsters, and Max were great. I don't remember much of the other monsters, and they too were good, but there was something about the friendship between Max and Carol that I really identified with. After the movie, Thom and Kathy and Lil'Man went home. I dozed off in the recliner watching TV, and woke like one or two in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I did some WOW'ing and Facebook updates through the morning till about three in the afternoon when I laid down for a nap. I had no idea where the time went.

I was awoken at 7pm with a call from Thom. Kathy had been in a car accident (She's fine, Praise God Almighty) however their van radiator was smashed into the frame of the van, and has to be repaired. Thom was calling to see if I could come out and get them and they would spend the night at our house again and I would take them to work this morning. So, it's been an eventful few days... and while I deeply felt the loss of my time spent in the Word, I was happy to do them this morning with Mom and Nathan. 

I do have news on the employment front. I put in an application to Family Video here in Lindenhurst on Grand Avenue. I have to return Diana's call from yesterday. She is the manager of the Family Video, and she called while I was napping and had already left for the day when I woke. I'm excited about the prospect of finally getting back to work. I wish I had spent my time off more productively, but I'm putting the cart before the horse.

I need to re-arrange my room before I go back to work, or at least make some strides in that direction. The East wall needs a baseboard to cover the half inch gap between the wall and the floor. The dampness from the crawlspace is mildewing my legal cabinet, and my comic trunks are on that wall as well. I haven't decided on a layout yet, which I guess is my first step. I would like to put our desks back in the frontroom, but with the current furniture that we have, I don't see that as a possibility. I don't know at this point. I guess we'll see.

I will write more later, hopefully I'll be meeting with Diana today, and I'll have that update as well as my devotional posting.

ALLOWING GOD TO USE ME

Thinking of the life I've lived by my own ways, regret seeps in and tries to take hold, to break down and destroy my spirit. I thank God that He doesn't look back, that He looks forward to what will be, what can be, with a willing vessel.

Today's devotion follows yesterdays amazing study with a call to not remain stagnant and focused on the past. Moving forward and allowing God to use me, the flawed vessel that I am, and not trying to do it under my own power.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
-2 Corinthians 4:7

Earthen vessels... a vessel such as a pot or container used to contain something. A vessel that is made of dirt, that is to say it is like clay, as we were created from the dirt of the earth, but also has the understanding that this clay vessel can be broken. As human nature goes, we stumble and fall, often cracking or busting wide open. This scripture proves to us that God knows our flawed humanity, and while He does not condone our sin, He accepts that we are the flawed creations of a fallen nature. And as such, in His predestined knowledge, He accepts that. It is the contents of the vessel that He focus' on. We have to be full of Him, full of His Glory, His Spirit, His Power...to enable us to go forth and make a difference in this world. Even the most flawed vessel, when filled with the finest wine, can be used to serve a guest of honor. Sometimes we have to confess to ourselves that we are not the golden vessel... we are the dirt and water. We may not be the golden vessel, but when God needs us to fulfill His plan, we become the CHOSEN vessel. Praise God even in our flawed nature we can be chosen to serve.

A NEW DIRECTION

Last night, as I lay on my pillow I considered my life and the direction it is headed. The end thereof was death. My dreams have been exceedingly active lately, some of which I remember vividly, others are more of a feeling I wake with in the morning. One thing remains the same...urgency.

As I lay considering the day and my lack of productivity there was one prominent thought in the back of my mind, one which came forward with an almost violent abandon: I AM THE TRUE VINE. The husbandman cometh. Branches that do not bear fruit are taken away. Immediately I saw a vine that had great leaves and was strong, but bore no fruit. Then I saw it laying on the ground, withered and dead.

Though I spoke not a word, my heart, which has been stone cold dead for so long, cried out to the Lord. Save me O God from my self and sinful nature. I drifted off to sleep to the piano music that I left playing on my laptop, no answer received.

This morning I woke around 5:45am to take out the trash and open the gate for Thom & Kay and da lil'man. After getting a cup of coffee, I decided to blog this morning and chose to make it about this new direction in my life. A physical declaration of my intention in my own words. So I decided to do some scripture reading this morning. Considering my lack of time spent in the Word lately, I had no idea where to begin. I decided to pick up Old Faithful, my Smith Wigglesworth devotional. I was not ready for what took place next.

Title: HE IS COMING!

James 5:7-8 
Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain. Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.

The study talks about the precious fruit of the earth... which is the church, the Body of Christ. I finished the study with a feeling of purpose, divine appointment if you will. I looked up 'husbandman' and found that it appears in 7 verses in the Bible. And there, in the comfort of my own room, God met me and told me what I needed to hear.

John 15:1-5
  ¹I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.
   ²Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
   ³Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
   ⁴Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
   ⁵I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

Abide in me, and I in you. I have known for a long time, as taught to me by a great saint whom God gave me study under, that the scriptures, and the DAILY study of them, is the washing of the Word. We must continually cleanse ourselves by reading God's Word. Have I been doing this? No. To my shame I have not. It is no wonder to me that my life has become the cesspool of shame that it has. ABIDE. For without me you can do nothing. My life is living proof of this. Believe me, I have tried. It's time to return, to abide.

It is amazing to me that God can be as forgiving as He is. With all the time I've lost, it took one heartfelt cry and He met me here, in my shame, just like He did the first time. I didn't have to clean myself up, not that I even could have though I have tried and failed miserably. Faithful is He that calleth you, who also will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

God grant me the strength to abide in Your Word, the courage to find the day an opportunity for Your Glory, and the wisdom to follow Your Will for my life.

SCOTCH - A LESSON LEARNED

I had a bout with a bottle of scotch yesterday. Clan MacGregor Scotch Whiskey to name names. I'm still feeling the effects of it today, nearly 6pm the following day. My balance is off and my head is swirly, combined with a massive headache, though I'm relieved that it's not a hangover of epic proportions. For those of you who don't know, or don't know me well, I'm no drinker. I can't stand the taste of beer and usually only drink at social events, and even then I have a Martini or two. My family has history with alcohol, and I don't trust the addictive human nature since I've seen what it can do to someone first hand. I'm no prude, or saint to be sure... I just know that there is a time and a place for drinking. Every day after work isn't it. I can see having a glass of wine with dinner, or the occasional night cap, but getting ferschnockered isn't my cup of Earl Grey Tea.

Now we will understand why I have these tenets of wisdom. Yesterday, when I decided to have some scotch with my brother, I didn't take into account how much he enjoys drinking. Ere go, a single glass of scotch turned into 6, and for the first time in my drinking history Thomas reports that I pulled a Dad in the kitchen. I have no memory of it...none whatsoever.

WORLD OF WARCRAFT - FRIENDS UNITED

I am excited to announce that my two brothers who play World of Warcraft have finally returned to the server that I play on. This is big for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that we make an insurmountable force to be reckoned with, the other is that we make an incredible team. We work together and share resources so that we are not so dependent on the Auction House. Originally we started out on the same server, but due to people being morons, and the server economy being absolutely REDONKULOUS, they opted to have their characters transferred to another server, and converted to horde. I would have done the same, but I can't see spending money to have characters transferred or faction changed. Not to mention it is pricey to do.

Chris made a Death Knight, who just made 80, and I was honored to run him through his first non-heroic dungeons. Again, we made a great team. Will is working on his characters, and I have no doubt that he will be level 80 within weeks, if it even takes that long. Thom has been busy with family life, to which I applaud his dedication and I am very proud of him for prioritizing his responsibilities. Unfortunately this has not left him much time to dedicate to World of Warcraft, but these things need to be in perspective.

Kalypsonite (my level 80 mage and main character) has been running dungeons like crazy, as I've been training his casting cycles (also referred to as spell rotations and cool downs). He now has 3 of the Khadgar's Conquest gear, which has had a drastic impact on his spell casting and DPS (Damage Per Second) rating. I am almost always the highest DPS output for our 5 man heroic level dungeons, which in and of itself is a testament to the gear and studying that I've done with him. Kalypsonite was my very first character, often referred to as a MAIN, and the other 9 characters are referred to as ALTS (alternates). This is a personal identification only, and has no bearing on the individual characters or their game play. I have enjoyed many of my characters and their different abilities and classes, but I have to confess, a level 80 mage is where my heart is at. I love playing Kaly not only because of the fact that he has so much history with friends in the game and memories attached to him, but because of the versatility of the class. Mages are given a wide variety of offensive, defensive and utility spells which allow them to be a vital part of any grouping. While I have not had any experience with raids as of yet (raids are 10 or 25 player groups that take on a dungeon together, usually resulting in much better loot drops from the enemies, and usually taking anywhere from 2-3 hours to complete), I am eagerly looking forward to experiencing that level of epic play. One of the benefits of playing a main and training in their ability cycles is that you by default become more confident in your ability to handle situations and compensate for unexpected events. A great side effect of this is that your PVP (player-vs-player) skills and confidence is also boosted. Playing against a PVE (player-vs-environment) NPC (non-player-character) is vastly different in terms of tactical abilities and damage expectations simply because when someone else is directly controlling your opponent, you are vulnerable to their unique style of play. I used to have a very hard time understanding this, and not being confident didn't help. Now that I know more of what my character is capable of, and have a better understanding of compensation measures that are available to me, I find that I'm more on the prowl for horde characters. This is an epic advancement in my game play simply because I used to run away when ever I was confronted by a horde character. WOOTSIES!!!!

Yes, I did say that. That's my word. 

On the job front I've had a bit of a set back. I was looking forward to working for Borders, but apparently the job that I posted for was outdated. They do not begin hiring till mid-November for seasonal employment. I spoke to the General Manager of the store that I was applying to, and after explaining that I would be happy for ANY position available, my application was for a full-time bookseller position. It was a very pleasant conversation, and he recommended that I re-apply November 1st. He was very adamant about the fact that he does indeed review ALL applications that are received for his store, and looked forward to my application come November. I don't know if he was just being kind, or if he meant it, but I will take either one and definitely apply come November.

There are a couple of businesses in the immediate area that I am going to apply to this week. Please keep me in your prayers for guidance and wisdom in pursuing employment. I don't know what God has planned for me, but I do hope that I am attuned to His Holy Spirit enough to discern His direction.

That's about it for right now. I'll be blogging some more later.

THE WEEKEND OF...MODERN WARFARE 2

Well, I had my first experience with the PS3 this weekend. I played Modern Warfare 2 with my brother and my nephew. And I ROCKED! As you may not know, I have a propensity for the shotgun, automatic shotgun and SPAS-12 (which is a quite divine AUTOMATIC tactical shotgun... ooooh weee!!) while playing first person shooter games. My nephew was amused that I was so good at the game as we completed a number of missions in the Special Ops section (which allows you to play solo or co-op with someone in the same room with you, otherwise you have to play over the net with friends) and once my comprehension of the controls was up to par, quite a few times he remarked how amazed he was at my competence. One of the ops involves being attacked by dogs while you're avoiding fire from 40 aggressors who are converging on your position. I figured out that while we stick together when we hear the dogs, when they attack, they can be shot off of the team member, rather than depending on having to personally remove the animal yourself. I have to confess that the game seemed to be anticipating our moves, and even learning from our behavior, thus making the game quite amazing to play, and near impossible to complete on harder levels. That is until your experience and training provide you with the platform of tactical strategy that you need in order to out-smart them. I have to admit, I was really impressed. I'm not a big 'war-game' type of guy and first person shooters don't really set my sails in the wind, but this game was INCREDIBLE. I so enjoyed playing it that we completely lost track of the time and before we logged off, we were near our 9th straight hour of play. I haven't spent that kind of time on a game in a long time... it was hard to put the paddle down, despite my very sore eyes and pounding head.

MODERN WARFARE 2 (PS3) - 5/5 stars

1 star (game play) Engaging, entertaining and challenging

1 star (replay value) With the seeming intelligence of the enemy, even the same level is lots of fun

1 star (graphics) Absolutely incredible, realistic sounds/textures give you the feeling that YOU ARE THERE

1 star (controls) Easy to learn & well thought out. Keeping your head is easy when you know what buttons to press.

1 star (functionality) Being able to resuscitate your team mate after he takes an onslaught of fire, and having a minute and a half to clear the area makes playing the harder levels less overwhelming.

Good stuff. I can see where this would be a very good frustration relief tool.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE

It's almost been a month to the day since I updated this. I just can't get it. Maybe I should see a therapist?

I will warn you now, this isn't going to be pretty. In a conflagration of emotions that I am feeling right now, none of them are butterflies and flowers. This is the epic blog of doom... Kuragari is in the very essence of his name.

I have been unemployed now for almost 6 months. I feel like a worthless piece of trash. I don't have a degree, and being unemployed for 6 months looks like a lazy ass at best. I could not get to sleep tonight for the torrent of hatred running through my mind about the current state of my life. I find myself at odds with near everything and beside the growing angst that is compelling me, I do nothing to improve it. It's the strangest state of affairs I have ever known. Coming off of the Georgia Pines Committee I am sure has much to do with it, however, I never imagined that my life would drain away the way it has. Day in and day out, nothing changes, nothing is improved... It's like that stupid movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. Over and over and over and over again. I am sure that I am depressed... who in my situation wouldn't be? I can't even begin to imagine what an embarrassment I am to my family. Ugh. Now I am just depressing myself more.

I can not even find solace in World of Warcraft. I find that the mechanics of the game at level 80 are devised as to continually trap people into playing more. First it was the race to 80. Then it was gear score. Then it was DPS output. Then it was completing the 5 man raids with understanding the bosses and pulls. Now, at the gap between 5-man and 10/25-man raids, I find that I am tired of running the 5 man raids because a.) it's always the same content...over and over and over and over again. b.) the loot that drops is ALWAYS below what I have and never worth 'NEED' and usually gets scooped up by someone supporting their alt or dual-spec. (WHICH PISSES ME OFF BECAUSE I'M NOT HERE TO SUPPORT YOUR ALTS/SPEC'S. NEED WHAT YOU NEED ON THIS CHARACTER AND RUN YOUR ALT/SPEC THROUGH ANOTHER TIME!). 

See, I told you I'd be a ray of sunshine didn't I? Anyway, I'll update tomorrow (today) when I'm in a better frame of mind. I get the feeling that things are changing and I'm standing on the sidelines. I don't want to be there.