FOR BETTER OR WORSE

It's almost been a month to the day since I updated this. I just can't get it. Maybe I should see a therapist?

I will warn you now, this isn't going to be pretty. In a conflagration of emotions that I am feeling right now, none of them are butterflies and flowers. This is the epic blog of doom... Kuragari is in the very essence of his name.

I have been unemployed now for almost 6 months. I feel like a worthless piece of trash. I don't have a degree, and being unemployed for 6 months looks like a lazy ass at best. I could not get to sleep tonight for the torrent of hatred running through my mind about the current state of my life. I find myself at odds with near everything and beside the growing angst that is compelling me, I do nothing to improve it. It's the strangest state of affairs I have ever known. Coming off of the Georgia Pines Committee I am sure has much to do with it, however, I never imagined that my life would drain away the way it has. Day in and day out, nothing changes, nothing is improved... It's like that stupid movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. Over and over and over and over again. I am sure that I am depressed... who in my situation wouldn't be? I can't even begin to imagine what an embarrassment I am to my family. Ugh. Now I am just depressing myself more.

I can not even find solace in World of Warcraft. I find that the mechanics of the game at level 80 are devised as to continually trap people into playing more. First it was the race to 80. Then it was gear score. Then it was DPS output. Then it was completing the 5 man raids with understanding the bosses and pulls. Now, at the gap between 5-man and 10/25-man raids, I find that I am tired of running the 5 man raids because a.) it's always the same content...over and over and over and over again. b.) the loot that drops is ALWAYS below what I have and never worth 'NEED' and usually gets scooped up by someone supporting their alt or dual-spec. (WHICH PISSES ME OFF BECAUSE I'M NOT HERE TO SUPPORT YOUR ALTS/SPEC'S. NEED WHAT YOU NEED ON THIS CHARACTER AND RUN YOUR ALT/SPEC THROUGH ANOTHER TIME!). 

See, I told you I'd be a ray of sunshine didn't I? Anyway, I'll update tomorrow (today) when I'm in a better frame of mind. I get the feeling that things are changing and I'm standing on the sidelines. I don't want to be there.